You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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