I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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