i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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