he told me I talked like a deaf person
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
