How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
