I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
