the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You smell like stripper and shame
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
