Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's official drugs can't kill me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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