I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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