When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
