Where did you get a picture of my penis
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
