i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
