apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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