And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
