"it" just moved
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Found your dick twin last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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