If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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