and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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