Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
