So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
