You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
