Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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