Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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