everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
