who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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