So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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