did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's just like the Real World with babies
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
