Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
