and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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