when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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