The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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