dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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