i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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