Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
