also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
