quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
