So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
