There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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