I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
