We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
