Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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