Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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