you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
