STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
