Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
