If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think i have two assholes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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