I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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