I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
