I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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