Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
