You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
