I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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