I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
