youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
