I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
