True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
