I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
