Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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