Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
