After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
