Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize