Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
