chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
