Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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