He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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