I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So much rum. So many feels.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
