there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
