oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
