Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
