when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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