They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
