Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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